As I pulled up beside this wimpy
looking little car, I couldn’t help but notice the good looking man driving
it. Several thoughts went through my
head in the span of a few seconds.
Despite having the Justin Moore song “Bait A Hook” playing on the radio
(which could have been written about this obviously eco-conscious hottie) I
found myself wondering if his good looks were enough to overlook the fact that
he was driving a Prius. I was about to
look up Henry County (the county on his tag) to see how geographically inconvenient
he was when it happened…Mr. Eco-Conscious Hottie picked his nose.
You might be asking yourself,
what’s the big deal? I mean, people pick
their noses every day, right? Well yes,
but NOT like this man was doing. He
stuck his finger in his nose so deep I swear if there was anything on the end
of it when he pulled it out, it wouldn’t have been boogers, but brain
matter. I cringed and told myself to
look away, but instead sat there unable to look away in morbid amazement as I
watched him massage his brain. It wasn’t
a quick dig and pick, but a long whole arm moving affair. I went between wanting to honk the horn and
throw a box of Kleenex at his car (though I was afraid I’d break the window of
the tiny thing if I did) and wondering what part of his brain he was rubbing? Maybe he was rubbing the part that controlled
his penis and was masterbating through his nose…I wouldn’t want to disturb him
in the middle, though he might appreciate the Kleenex in a couple minutes. The light was taking forever to change, and
this man kept his finger up his nose, rotating it right, then left, then right
again.
Just when I thought this guy
surely couldn’t stand much more brain manipulating, he used his free hand to
adjust his mirror and started watching himself pick his nose. OH MY GOD!!!
Do you think you’re fucking invisible in that car? Do you not realize that there are people all
around you, at least one of whom is WATCHING you massage your brain through
your nose? I mean, MY GOD!!! And what was he looking for in the
mirror? Did he have some rogue booger he
was pursuing…Some booger playing hop scotch with his finger, saying “You can’t
catch me finger! Hahahaha” (Oh wait, those are just MY boogers that do that). But SERIOUSLY…get your freaking finger out of
your nose!
The light finally changed and I
punched the gas, leaving the little Prius and the brain tickling driver
behind. I also realized that it didn’t
matter how geographically inconvenient he was or what he drove because I was no
longer thinking of him as a hottie…to me he would always be the guy who
masterbates through his nose.
