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Friday, March 23, 2012

Brain Tickling, Nose Picking, Prius Driver

About a week ago, after a long days work, I stopped at a drive through to pick up dinner before heading home.  While riding home through town, I approached a stop light and noticed a blue Prius with out of town tags in the next lane. 

As I pulled up beside this wimpy looking little car, I couldn’t help but notice the good looking man driving it.  Several thoughts went through my head in the span of a few seconds.  Despite having the Justin Moore song “Bait A Hook” playing on the radio (which could have been written about this obviously eco-conscious hottie) I found myself wondering if his good looks were enough to overlook the fact that he was driving a Prius.  I was about to look up Henry County (the county on his tag) to see how geographically inconvenient he was when it happened…Mr. Eco-Conscious Hottie picked his nose.   


You might be asking yourself, what’s the big deal?  I mean, people pick their noses every day, right?  Well yes, but NOT like this man was doing.  He stuck his finger in his nose so deep I swear if there was anything on the end of it when he pulled it out, it wouldn’t have been boogers, but brain matter.  I cringed and told myself to look away, but instead sat there unable to look away in morbid amazement as I watched him massage his brain.  It wasn’t a quick dig and pick, but a long whole arm moving affair.  I went between wanting to honk the horn and throw a box of Kleenex at his car (though I was afraid I’d break the window of the tiny thing if I did) and wondering what part of his brain he was rubbing?  Maybe he was rubbing the part that controlled his penis and was masterbating through his nose…I wouldn’t want to disturb him in the middle, though he might appreciate the Kleenex in a couple minutes.  The light was taking forever to change, and this man kept his finger up his nose, rotating it right, then left, then right again.

Just when I thought this guy surely couldn’t stand much more brain manipulating, he used his free hand to adjust his mirror and started watching himself pick his nose.  OH MY GOD!!!  Do you think you’re fucking invisible in that car?  Do you not realize that there are people all around you, at least one of whom is WATCHING you massage your brain through your nose?  I mean, MY GOD!!!  And what was he looking for in the mirror?  Did he have some rogue booger he was pursuing…Some booger playing hop scotch with his finger, saying “You can’t catch me finger! Hahahaha” (Oh wait, those are just MY boogers that do that).  But SERIOUSLY…get your freaking finger out of your nose!

The light finally changed and I punched the gas, leaving the little Prius and the brain tickling driver behind.  I also realized that it didn’t matter how geographically inconvenient he was or what he drove because I was no longer thinking of him as a hottie…to me he would always be the guy who masterbates through his nose.

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16 comments:

  1. You fricking picked....your nose! - Peanut

    It is funny, being a person whose job entails him to be on the road 4 out of the 6 work days I do, you see it all. I've seen people digging for nose goblins, mining for golden boogers all the time, everyone picks their nose, but what cracks me up are the people who (like you said) think their car makes them invisible or something.

    I've actually seen a girl going down on a guy not once, not twice, but four times in a moving vehicle....crazy....

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  2. Oh my God...I love Je fa fa...dun ham...dot come! That is a bunch of times for it not to be happening in YOUR car.

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  3. Not only did I snort a few boogers out of my own nasal passages at reading this post, or dampen my knickers slightly for laughing but I also threw up in my mouth a little at the graphic description.

    'Pick it, then flick it' is my motto.

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    1. I might have forgiven a quick "pick & flick", but the nose porn was straight public indecentcy!

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  4. As disgusting as this was to read because I was getting a visual, I practically pissed my pants from laughing so hard..Good one..Have a great night!

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    1. I wonder what he'd done if I'd walked over to his car, knocked in his window and offered his a kleenex?

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  5. Oh that is so gross. But you had me laughing through the whole thing.

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    1. I don't think I'll ever view another Prius without wanting to throw kleenex at it!

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  6. Yeah I got a good laugh about it AFTER I quit gagging.

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  7. Haha, I so wish you'd filmed him! What he really needs is a harem of female gorillas, they'd pick his nose and every other bodily orifice.

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    1. I wish I'd thought to film him too! I'd have searched Facebook in all of Henry County and shared it with him on his wall, saying "someone's always watching!" Is that too mean?

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  8. Hahaha, your writing really makes me laugh. I've not tried that method of pleasing before, but I'd most likely need to be drunk to attempt it.

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    1. I love making people laugh, so thank you. However, your comment about being drunk before brain masterbating has me wondering if one would get whiskey brain as a man gets whiskey dick? Hmmm.

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  9. Blondie, nose picking is my absolute deal-breaker pet peeve gross-out. BLECCHH! I don't care if George Clooney himself was standing on the veranda of his palazzo in Italy inviting me in.. if he started digging for gold, I would kick his fine ass to the curb. Nope. Can't do it.. Great post! Hilarious! xo

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  10. I think you need to get your nose checked especially if your always picking your nose.
    plastic surgery new york

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    1. I think he was checking it quite thoroughly...with his finger, with his knuckle, in the mirror. Yeah, it was checked.

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