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Thursday, March 22, 2012

The Sh** I Don't Get Done Because My Life Gets In The Way

My house is a pig sty.  It’s positively horrible.  While I’m sure the laundry is in baskets, I seem to have lost the baskets (or maybe the clothes have eaten them).  My floors are in serious need of cleaning and are beginning to make this squishy sticky sound when you walk on them with soft soled shoes, and between the pollen and the dust, my pictures now look out of focus. 
I need this sign for my front door!
Why, you ask?  Because my life doesn’t stand still long enough for me to catch up (and because I’m irresponsible, selfish and lazy; use whichever excuse you prefer).  I really do want to have a spotless house, but my damn life keeps getting in the way!
Can I get an AMEN?  This makes me feel so much better about myself!
I am a working single mother of two children.  I enjoy being part of my kids lives and participating in the things they enjoy and are active in. I love to bring a camera and document every cool experience they have.  I also like to do volunteer work at times as it helps me deceive myself into thinking I am an unselfish person giving back to my community.  Despite working full time, having two children with their various extracurriculars, I have a very active social life separate and independent from my children.  Sometimes, however, all these different facets which make up the complete diamond that is my life, leave little time to handle the shit that simply won’t handle itself.  Hell, I barely have any time for sleep.

In the past week alone, aside from working full time and having to make sure kids are fed and educated, I have had the following activities: 1) Volunteered at a Red Cross Blood Drive; 2) Attended a sex toy party (Read all about it!); 3) Chaperoned a school field trip for my daughter;
I got to ride the short bus.  I felt so special!

4) Went to a St. Patty’s day bonfire;  5) Took my son out to dinner for a little quality time; 6) Had dinner with my out of town Aunt who was passing through town; 6) Went to play pool with my man friend (and Jose’…how I love him); 7) Took son to tutor twice; and 7) Sang Karaoke with several friends (and Jose’). 

Did I mention I work full time?  When the hell am I supposed to get housework and laundry done?  I mean, these things were WAY more fun than cleaning! (I know I’m immature and irresponsible…I’ll own it.)
The Jetsons
The Jetsons (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
When I was young, I used to love the cartoon, “The Jetsons”.  I dreamed of the day that we’d have flying cars and robot maids.  As I walked through my pig sty of a house this morning, I found myself angry that I didn’t have a Rosie the Robot maid (Damn you Jetsons for giving me false hope as a child of a future with no housework!) 
Then I thought, why settle for a Rosie?  With all the technological and biological advances of the day, I want a clone…another me to handle all the shit I don’t have time or desire to handle myself.   I’d give clone Blondie my to-do list and head off to the life that prevents me from  having the empty laundry baskets, sparkling floors and dust free book shelves and picture frames I desire.  Sweeping and mopping, check!  Dusting, check!  Yard work, check!  Laundry, double CHECK!!!  It would be awesome!  But then if it was really a clone of ME, in no time she’d be so busy, SHE’D need a clone.  Before you know it, there’d be like 10 clones and the house would still be a pig sty.  Then there’s the real question…could the world handle two (much less 10) of me?  My family and friends would probably shutter at the very idea. 
No, the world is NOT ready for more of me!
So with no robot maid or clone around to do the shit that I have neglected to do this week, I suppose I’m gonna have no choice but to tell the rest of the world to fuck off for a weekend, get some sleep and clean my own damn house.  Damn you Jetsons!

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  1. LMAO, sounds like my house...the only problem with the clone idea is (if you've seen the movie Multiplicity) when you make a copy of a copy of a copy, it's not as bright and as good quality as the original...

    I ate a dolphin Steve.

    She touched my pepe Steve.

    I got a wallet Steve, I put my pizza in it Steve.

    1. Very true. That would be a problem. There are actually a couple problems with the clone idea...I mean, I'm such a hard to deal with bitch, I'd hate to have to deal with me, let alone live with me in the form of a completely separate's hard enough living with the me I'm stuck with now at times!

  2. I always wanted a laundry fairy. Some cute little princess looking tinkerbell type that would come into my house and, POOF, the laundry would magically be done every single day. Let her deal with my boys' skid marks in their underwear.

    1. If you ever catch the laundry fairy, send her my way! There are some skid marks in my laundry pile that could use tending too. Damn boys! lol

  3. Just do what I did the last time the house got so untidy...MOVE!

    1. Oh dear lord, I hate moving more than housework. Though the last time I moved was the easiest. Might be because I'd had a housefire and there was nothing to move...but then there was also no mess, no clutter, no pesky boxes to unpack. Looking back, it was probably the most glorious move EVER!!

  4. In my humble opinion it is a good mom that has a messy house as they are enjoying their children. A mom with a perfect house is a sign of caring more what other people think of her than what it means to be a mom.

    1. Whoa, whoa, one said anything about about being a good mom! I'm just selfish and lazy.