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Thursday, October 3, 2013

Public Indecency or Lucky Me...Take Your Pick



The night started out innocent enough.  It was a community event where local businesses set up tables showcasing their products and services.  As a board member for a local charitable organization, I was working one such table.  I was doing my civic duty creating community awareness for a cause I’m passionate about.  Most booths, including ours, were offering raffles and prizes as a way to attract people to their exhibits.  Local restaurants served samples of their culinary masterpieces (or not), a local liquor store was passing out healthy samples of varying wines (you know which was my favorite), retailers were exhibiting their products, and chiropractors and masseuses were set up giving out free massages…WAIT!!!  STOP RIGHT THERE!!!  Did someone say FREE massages?  SIGN ME UP!!!
After making my rounds to the various businesses, and making a couple return visits (more wine please), as well as signing up for all the free prizes, I made my way to a chiropractor’s table where a good looking doctor was doing posture exams.  Like the hussy I am, I let him run his hands all up and down my spine, hips and neck before making an appointment with him to do a better job of it next week.  Then I sashayed my butt over to where my eye had really been all night…the massage table in the corner of the room. 
There were three women in that corner section of the room demonstrating their services.  They had two chairs and one table.  If you’ve ever seen the massage chairs (which were facing out toward the rest of the room) then you’ll understand that in the dress I was wearing, that was NOT an option.  So I’m led to the table and begin to get on it when the masseuse, a 5’ nothing grey headed woman in her mid-60s asks me “front or back”.  I kinda looked at her confused and asked for clarification.  She replied, “It depends on if you want your neck and shoulders worked on or your back.”  Whew, oh, ok…back.  So in front of about 200 of my closest community members I put my face in the donut shaped head thing at the end of the table, my high-heel laden feet propped up on a pillow wedge type thing at the end of the bed. 
The woman stands at my head and begins very slowly pushing down my back.  Then she moves to one side and briskly rubs that side of my back, lower, lower, TOO LOW!!!  HOLY BAT BALLS!!!  Is she really rubbing my butt in front of the mayor, our city council and the entire community?  Why, yes she is, and she’s into it too.  What can I do at this point?  I thought about jumping to my feet, but that would draw even more attention, so I laid there.  Surely nobody would be watching.  Finally she moved up.  Whew, glad that was over I relaxed again, enjoying the massage.  BAM!!! Back to butt rubbing.  If she’d spent half the amount of time on my back as she did on my butt, I’d have been one limp noodle.  Since I lack much butt, I thought, “perhaps she’s just trying to fluff it…like a pillow."  What would have happened if I’d opted for the neck and shoulders option?  Would she have decided I had too much tension in my boobs?  That surely would have been a spectacle as I’m no small breasted woman!
When the massage was finally over and I got off the table, my smartass girlfriend says, “Wow!  You’re face is really red.  I’m not into women, but hell, I about got turned on just watching that.”  Yes, she’s an asshole.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, another lady, prominent in our community says, “I was tempted to ask if she wanted to spank you while she was at it!”  Ok, so people were definitely watching and having a lot of fun at my expense.  But one thing is for sure, my butt felt GOOD!!! 
I got several more comments in the next little bit, and when a male friend of mine showed up, I tried very hard to get him to get on the table.  I was curious to see if she was an equal opportunity butt rubber or if mine just looked like it needed special attention!  Not only would he not get on the table, but neither did anyone else after that.   So a few days go by and I run into one of our City Council members.  What’s the first thing that comes out of his mouth?  “Hey there.  How’s the butt feeling?”  If assholes could fly, this town would be an airport.



AMAZING UPDATES THAT CAN ONLY HAPPEN TO ME:  (October 5, 2012)


I went to the good looking Chiropractor's office yesterday for the evaluation that I scheduled at the community event.  We sat in his office as he went through my history with me.  A cute picture of he and his wife sat on his desk facing outward toward my chair (damn it).  He then escorted me to an exam room with an xray machine and various other equipment, as well as several different colors of hospital gowns.  He hands me a gown and asks me to remove everything but my panties and make sure the gown fastens in the back.  I started to make a smart ass comment like, "I'm sorry Doctor, but I'm not wearing any today" but he was married so I was behaving.  When he leaves the room, I strip down and sit down on the rolling stool, feeling very self conscience as I sat there exposed.  When he returns, he stops at the door, looks at me for a second, then says, "Wow, I knew green was your color.  Feel free to keep that gown, it looks fantastic!" 

Apparently this should be my new look

REALLY?  I'm sitting here half naked (I resisted throwing a little sexual innuendo in on ya), you're gonna tell me I look fantastic in the gown, AND be good looking.  Now I'm really at ease...or not.  Doctors should NOT be good looking.  They should be hideous trolls that you wouldn't mind cutting with your leg stubble if you don't feel like shaving before a visit. That being said.  He sits behind me and undoes the back of my gown.  He slowly begins feeling along my spine, beginning at my neck and ending at the base of my spine (better knows and my butt).  I felt like humming popey the sailor man or something just to ease my tension.  The only thing I can do is keep my arms pressed tightly to my sides in the hopes that I don't lose the gown from the rest of me.  Then  he poses me for various xrays and the exam is over.  Whewwww!

I survived the experience, and didn't make any smart ass comments.  I know, I'm kinda disappointment in myself for that too.  I bet he wouldn't have made the robe comment if I'd made the no panties one first.  I have another appointment Monday.  Maybe I'll redeem myself then.   

1 comment:

  1. I would have SO made the comment about lack of under garments! lol Entirely too funny...

    ReplyDelete