Blondie vs. Evil Armored Critter Scourge

Last night I found myself under attack!  I heard it before I saw it…a sound that instantly sent chills up my spine.  I sat in silence looking for the source of the sound and then it appeared.  Running across the laminate floor, like some horror movie critter in alien armor, running straight toward me was a giant roach.  When I say giant, I don’t mean large, I mean GINORMOUS!  Even in the dimly lit room, I could see the flesh of it’s legs, the spikes protruding from each one;  could hear the tap each leg made when it came into contact with the floor as it quickly scurried closer.  This was no normal roach.  This was the Hulk Hogan of roaches and he was headed right toward me!

It was looking at me with evil intent, it's antennas moving like cattle whips as it ran swiftly toward my seat.  I jumped to my feet (squealing like a scared little school girl), sprinted to my evil critter defense arsenal and quickly armed myself for battle (with a flip flop).  I was too late.  The evil critter ran under my reclining spot on the sectional sofa, and seemed safe from my attack.  In high alert, I remained armed, standing in the middle of the living room surveying the room and listening for the spine chilling scurrying sound.  I stood there silent and still for a couple minutes, then muted the television and listened more intently…silence.

Then, quietly and without warning the evil armored critter reappeared to my right and went running toward the other side of the living room, ducking under a free standing recliner.  Bwahahahaha!!!  You can’t hide from me under there scourge!  I flip the recliner over with a loud BAM and begin smacking frantically at the fleeing critter with my critter killing weapon, missing repeatedly. 

My Evil Armored Critter Scourge Killer.  Be afraid scourge...be very,
VERY afraid (or just be dead, that works for me).

Again he escapes running under a box of miscellaneous junk.  Totally engrossed at that moment by the ongoing battle of Blondie vs. Evil Armored Critter Scourge, I suddenly get snapped back to reality by my son wiping the sleep from his eyes with a look that could only be described as one of mixed concern (she’s finally lost it) and curiosity as he asks, “What are you doing, Mom?”

It’s me against the Hulk Hogan Roach and there could be only one survivor.  Then my son sees it as the roach darts out and I take chase firing attack after attack before finally smacking it into stillness half way across the floor.  VICTORY IS MINE!!!  Being the reigning champion, I assign my son the task of carcass disposal.  After a minute of resistance, he reluctantly goes to the bathroom coming back with a wad of toilet paper to pick it up with, but as he goes to grab the armored critter, it comes back to life and begins running for one last escape attempt sending my son jumping in the opposite direction; but it’s attempt was in vein and my final attack precise and fatal.  Yes, I AM the champion!