Follow by Email

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

The Quarterback's Bitch...A Sports Commentary (Reposted in honor of the upcoming season)

I absolutely love spending time with intelligent people who are good conversationalists. Last night, I was blessed to be around two such fabulous individuals. I was at a good friends house visiting, when one of his friends came over. We were having great conversation on a lot of different topics, so I'm really not sure how this topic came up, but I knew as soon as the question was asked, that I'd be writing about it today.
Both these men are really big guys, well over six feet tall. The subject of football came up and my good friend asks my new friend, "Man, if you had a son, would you want him being a center?" I must admit, I wasn't sure which position he was talking about when my new friend answered, "Hell, no!" Then they proceeded to talk about how the center is bent over every play while the quarterback reaches his hands between the center's legs. The only thing separating the quarterback's hands from the center's nuts being the cup he wears. I am saying this very tamely, as it was a very animated discussion with my good friend making demonstrative gestures to further his point. I then piped in and said, "If I ever decide to play football and the quarterback is good looking, that's the position I'd want to play!" That's when it hit me...the center is the quarterback's bitch!

 
We were rolling laughing at this crude thought, when my new friend suddenly got serious and says, "You know, man...I've NEVER even thought about that, but you're right. I'd want my son being a head hunter, not having some man behind him rubbing his balls every play!" As you can well imagine, especially those of you who know me personally---I was blinking back tears, I was laughing so hard!
This discussion went on for a while, and then went to even greater depths and I had to ask my new friend, who is a black man in his late 20s, if it would be worse if the quarterback was white. At first, he denied it (with overted eyes), saying that it wouldn't matter, but when my good friend called him on it, he reluctantly agreed that if his strapping son had some weasley little white quarterback bent over him, sticking his hands between his legs..."Hell, yea, that would be worse!"
The funny twist to this story is that the center calls plays and is often the brains of the operation...further proof that the center is the quarterback's bitch! Us bitches usually do have the brains!
DISCLAIMER: I understand that the center is a vital and important position that requires skill and intelligence. I also understand that I am probably offending at least one player on every football team. However, rather than getting your panties in a wrinkle, wear your new bitch title with pride and say, "Thank you for noticing!" (Then ask for a HUGE raise or to switch positions.) Personally, I envy the centers and am thinking of trying out for the San Diego Chargers if it would mean that I'd get to have Phillip Rivers between my legs!

English: Philip Rivers on the sideline of the ...
What a yummy piece of man meat!
English: Philip Rivers on the sideline of the 2008 Chargers-Chiefs game at Arrowhead Stadium. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Enhanced by Zemanta

34 comments:

  1. Phillip Rivers? I hate that guy! A real asshole he is!

    You know, centers are one of the highest paid positions in football. So yes, I would love for my son to be a center making 12 million a year!

    By the way, I really hate the word captcha! It's a real pain in the ass! Is it your way of torture for your readers?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. this is a test of the word verification captcha system! If word verification shows up upon leaving a comment, please reset your settings or kiss your followers goodbye!

      This concludes this test of the word verification system.

      Delete
    2. I seriously have no idea how I managed to change my settings. I fucking hate when blogs have captchas on them so thanks for alerting me and helping me change it. As for Rivers, what can I say, I'm from San Diego so I've got a soft spot for the Chargers, even when they suck, and Rivers is a yummy piece of eye candy.

      And I DID give the centers props! Are you getting your panties in a wrinkle? lmao

      Delete
  2. Yea so I know absolutely NOTHING about football, other than we have have the Bulldogs, the yellow jackets and some Falcons! That's all I got! I'd play center though if he's hawt enough ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know enough to know that I LOVE the way a mans butt looks in their uniforms. That's reason enough to watch a game...that and the beer and game day snacks...and the beer and the butts.

      Delete
  3. His bitch. Haha. I guess you're right!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If only I could have had a video of their animated conversation. These two big old guys practically rubbing each others nuts in demonstration. It was quite funny.

      Delete
  4. Hey! I need t yell at you too huh? Your first post after winning a Dudette card is supposed to be gloating and congratulatory.....

    Congrats by the way! Football huh? Yeah....you can clip a corner off my man card, but I don't watch football...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Geesh!!! Everyone's yelling at me today! If I wasn't so stoked I might cry (or not). I will be doing a post, but need to let it sink in first. Still sorta shell shocked!

      As for the man card, I'll let you keep it...I at least know you're not in it for the nice looking man butts.

      Delete
  5. Offend away. It's usually not funny unless at least one person is offended.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Replies
    1. I was laughing till my sides hurt on this one. Did I mention there was alcohol? Copious amounts of alcohol.

      Delete
  7. Oh. My. God. This is SO freakin' funny because my 12 year old is the center on his football team and he thinks he is da bomb. My son the bitch!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lmao...you just watch. Next game, you're gonna be watching the quarterback's hands, but when you get the giggles, DON'T YOU DARE SHOW HIM THIS POST!

      For the new perspective now forever etched into your brain, I apologize...truly. lol

      Delete
  8. I don't know anything about football either, but I am onboard with the butts and beer thing! Congratulations Ladies Man Card holder! You rock!! It was a blast infiltrating the man cave for a week, wasn't it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you and it was awesome. Let's go have that drink now and celebrate

      Delete
  9. I laughed at the this especially hard because my brother was the starting center (and captain) of the football team all throughout PAL, middle school, and high school. hahahahahaha I often would tease him about the QBs finger position and the lovely towel that he had to wear on his ass in case the QBs hands got sweaty. Bow chicaaa boww wowww. hahahaha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How awesome is it that I just gave you another way to rival with your sibling. I'd love to be a fly on the wall the first time you tell him he was the quarterback's bitch! I so like to think this conversation is coming!

      Delete
  10. Congratulations on your Duddette Write win!!! You rock!!

    How funny, we both wrote about football today. I would love to play center on almost any team, especially the Giants =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. You know what they say...great minds think alike. On another note, I think the dudes at Dude Write need another card...The Dude Write Groupy Card. I'd totally rock one!

      Delete
    2. I know right (write)!! We would make such a set of hot groupies too!!

      Delete
    3. look at this! 2 girls I sponsored all giddy and excited over their man cards! Don't forget to give a percentage to your pimp!

      Delete
  11. I know NOTHING about American football, so this was all a bit confusing for me...but then most things are.
    And a massive CONGRATS on your Ladies man card!!Your entry was the 'dog's bollocks!'(which is British slang for bloody brilliant) :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you and back at ya. Your post was delightfully, hysterically disgusting and the conversation with your friend has had me trying to molest people with my mind all week. I think I'm gonna go practice saying digs bullocks in the mirror now. LOVE IT!

      Delete
  12. Haha, speaking of Mr Rivers, I'll be at a Chargers game this year. They're playing my panthers right before Christmas, and I'm going.

    I'll let you know how often he spends on his back, mmmk?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, Yeah, I never said they were any good, but as a displaced San Diego girl, they remind me of home so I've got a soft spot for them...and the fact that Rivers is fun to look at is only an added bonus.

      Delete
  13. Hopped over from Lily's so glad I did you posting about my great passion, nope not men and their cards, but FOOTBALL!!! love it and your post very funny new friend/stalker/supporter/follower/reader Wow I am alot of things but seriously not a center!!!I kinda am into punters but I will tell that story/joke another time. congrats on your win!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad to have you on board, though visiting your blog has my tummy doing flips (missed lunch). If someone where to walk by me with a burger, they'd be in serious danger.

      Delete
  14. I was with you until you mentioned Rivers. Come on, there's so much better eye candy out there. River is such a baby. I can't stand him. But I WILL say at least in terms of looks he's got our QB beat. You like horses? Nayyy, you say? Then Peyton Manning may not be the dreamboat for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Manning is pretty easy on the eyes too. I'd be his center! I mean, if his penis is as long as his face, it would be on like donkey kong!

      Delete
    2. Hell, I would be Manning's center! I am a big fan ya know.

      Delete
    3. @abfts- You cherish your new qb! You hear me? You cherish him! Thieving bastards! Took the best damn thing that ever happened to Indy since the Indy 500 and you ripped him away! Denver colors make me puke!

      Delete
  15. Hey girl - stop by and pick up your award! ;)

    ReplyDelete