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Saturday, August 6, 2011

The Quarterback's Bitch...A Sports Commentary.

I absolutely love spending time with intelligent people who are good conversationalists.  Last night, I was blessed to be around two such fabulous individuals.  I was at a good friends house visiting, when one of his friends came over.  We were having great conversation on a lot of different topics, so I'm really not sure how this topic came up, but I knew as soon as the question was asked, that I'd be writing about it today.
Both these men are really big guys, well over six feet tall.  The subject of football came up and my good friend asks my new friend, "Man, if you had a son, would you want him being a center?"  I must admit, I wasn't sure which position he was talking about when my new friend answered, "Hell, no!"  Then they proceeded to talk about how the center is bent over every play while the quarterback reaches his hands between the center's legs.  The only thing separating the quarterback's hands from the center's nuts being the cup he wears.  I am saying this very tamely, as it was a very animated discussion with my good friend making demonstrative gestures to further his point.  I then piped in and said, "If I ever decide to play football and the quarterback is good looking, that's the position I'd want to play!"  That's when it hit me...the center is the quarterback's bitch!
We were rolling laughing at this crude thought, when my new friend suddenly got serious and says, "You know, man...I've NEVER even thought about that, but you're right.  I'd want my son being a head hunter, not having some man behind him rubbing his balls every play!"  As you can well imagine, especially those of you who know me personally---I was blinking back tears, I was laughing so hard!
This discussion went on for a while, and then went to even greater depths and I had to ask my new friend, who is a black man in his late 20s, if it would be worse if the quarterback was white.  At first, he denied it (with overted eyes), saying that it wouldn't matter, but when my good friend called him on it, he reluctantly agreed that if his strapping son had some weasley little white quarterback bent over him, sticking his hands between his legs..."Hell, yea, that would be worse!"
The funny twist to this story is that the center calls plays and is often the brains of the operation...further proof that the center is the quarterback's bitch!  Us bitches usually do have the brains!
DISCLAIMER:   I understand that the center is a vital and important position that requires skill and intelligence.  I also understand that I am probably offending at least one player on every football team.  However, rather than getting your panties in a wrinkle, wear your new bitch title with pride and say, "Thank you for noticing!" (Then ask for a HUGE raise or to switch positions.)  Personally, I envy the centers and am thinking of trying out for the San Diego Chargers if it would mean that I'd get to have Phillip Rivers between my legs!

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