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Friday, August 26, 2011

Emotionally Unavailable Men

With the divorce rate so high, there is a higher number than ever of 30-40 something divorcees, all in the pursuit of love, in one form or another.  The need for skin to skin contact, and emotional intimacy keeps me in the pursuit of love.  What I have found repeatedly along my journey is the emotionally unavailable man.  He comes from a variety of social and economic backgrounds; from law enforcement, to professionals, from white collared to blue, from ugly and fat to fit and good-looking, but make no mistake, he is the same man, just wearing a different disguise and set of circumstances.
The “woe is me, I’ve been hurt so I won’t risk it wall”, that is so impenetrable; has been skillfully and painstakingly crafted over years of failed marriages and relationships, abandoned dreams, and disappointments, make finding a functional relationship almost impossible. 
Another thing that just kills me about this emotionally available man, is a hobby they all seem to share.  Video Games.  The “lets tune out the real world that’s hurt me so, and zone into my fantasy world where I am all powerful and people (the other emotionally stunted individuals playing the same game for the same reasons) respect and admire my skills” mentality.  This becomes an addiction or an obsession, and the real people in their lives can’t compete to the fantasy world to which they escape.  Women, beware of this man, as you could rub your boobs all over his face and offer all sorts of sexual favors, resulting only in getting him irritated that you are obstructing his view! 
Then there’s the man that must always have his buddies/playmates around.  No private conversation will ever be private because you’re NEVER alone.  He lives so fast that you’ve got to constantly be on the chase if you hope to catch up.  Forget a thriving sex life with this man…heaven forbid he’d have to separate from his buddies long enough to play with you.
This has me thinking.  I need to create a self help manual for these emotionally unavailable men.  I’d break it down into sections as follows:
1.       At our age, in the singles market, we’ve ALL been hurt and had our hearts yanked from our chest and jammed up our asshole.  If you’re not married to your soul mate, and you’ve never had your heart broken it’s for one of two reasons.  You’re either a complete prick that breaks the hearts of those who love you, or you’re a narcissistic bastard…either way…next.
2.       I’m not the one that hurt you (if I did, I’m probably sorry about it), and I don’t deserve to be punished because some other woman did you wrong.
3.       Life goes on.  Get the hell over it and move on. 
4.       Contrary to what you seem to believe, you do not look sexy with that big head set on your head, and killing the enemy using your thumb and forefinger on a remote control doesn’t make you look like a God to the woman who’s being forced to watch you.
5.       If you can’t separate from your buddies long enough to get laid, have you considered I might not have the equipment you REALLY want?  Maybe it’s time you re-explore your sexuality!
I think it would be a best seller.  I’d be the next Opra (OK…maybe that’s stretching it a little).  Maybe a little more Chelsea Handler, but with better hair.  I’ll get to work on that tomorrow…tonight, it’s girls night.


  1. What are you seeking? You seem to be focused on the same poor soul that is unable to grow. The one who punished you into divorce.

    I am a hard core geek, and match up with many of my geeky brethren. We game, because it's fun, because it lets us escape, because it lets us believe we are still strong, even though the world punches us. It's not because I believe I am better in that world, its because I am anonymous in that world. I am the great pig/warrior/slayer/sniper. I want you to understand that I have spent my time learning that simple game. I want you to tell me I am your sniper/protector/warrior/tank, or whatever I want to visualize I am.]

    The reality is I am just as weak, and uncontrolled as you are. I want you to lie to me/like me for who I am. I want you to make me feel like your leader, even though you may direct me, I want you to let me be empowered, even though you direct me. I don't really need to be in charge, I just need to feel needed and wanted.

    Try that, and you'll see why I rely on my buddies instead of you. They at least feed my ego, and help me with the strippers who meet my minium requirements.

  2. Don't get me wrong...I've played games, even was a WoW guildmaster for a while. I completely understand the lure, but sometimes, you've got to step away! As for your need to feel needed and wanted; isn't that what we all want?