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Friday, June 29, 2012

Dun Dunt Du DA, It’s Wonder Dick!

This week, inspired by the fabulous Lily, writer of the super funny blog The Incoherent Ramblins of a Moose! I took a look though some of my old blogs (posted on Myspace which should tell you how old they are).  I came across this one and decided to share the laugh I got from re-reading it.

You know I have some pretty fabulous friends and nothing surprises me anymore, but they never fail to amuse me. Yesterday was no exception. Sitting around the table on my patio yesterday with friends and family, laughing at the tall tales from our youth, one of my friends heard me ask another friend where his nickname came from, and thought that the question was directed at him. Instantly he goes into a story that at first made us wonder what in the world he was talking about, but then had the rest of us laughing so hard our sides hurt!
He started off by tooting his own horn, talking about being with so many girls in his single days that my cousin started calling him Wonder Dick. (I think the name probably came from "it's a wonder your dick hasn't rotted off yet!" But this is HIS story). So anyways, he then goes on to talk about this crazy shirt he had that had something hanging in the back almost like a cape. In fun he had drawn a WD in a superman type of way (standing for Wonder Dick) on the cape like part of that shirt. Shortly after he had gotten married the kids were gone, he was feeling frisky, and the wife was on her way home. So deciding to be playful, he strips down to his birthday suit and puts on his WD cape awaiting his wife's arrival. It's after dark when he hears a car pull up. He runs to the door, listens for footsteps, and just as he hears them at the door he throws the door open in all his gloriousness saying, "Dun Dunt Du DA!"
I'm sure he looked something like this, only not covering his penis!
Photo source The Dave & James Blog
and to his horror…it was not his wife, but his parole officer.
In a complete state of shock and humiliation, he slams the door and runs for his pants. The parole officer is outside dying laughing as he heads back to his car, deciding to try a visit another day. As he's pulling out of the driveway, the wife is pulling in. Still laughing so hard that tears are welling in his eyes, he stops the wife only long enough to ask her if her husband is doing drugs. Denying drug use and looking puzzled by the laughing officer, the officer says only, "You'll have to ask him…I can't tell you", while gasping for air through his laughter.
So the wife comes in completely bewildered to find a super embarrassed, fully dressed, limp dick for days to come husband to hear the tale of her superhero sporting a hard on, and not much else, doing the grand door opening for his parole officer. He suddenly didn't feel frisky anymore.
I'll bet that the cape was retired after that day, and that the parole officer learned to call first!
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12 comments:

  1. Oh that picture! My eyes, they bleed!!
    What bothers me is why the parole officer was laughing so hard? I mean what sight would reduce a grown man to tears? I'm pretty sure it wasn't just the cape.

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    1. Lmao. That's a very good question, though I'd imagine seeing all the blood drain from BOTH heads simultaneously would have done it for me. Then add him opening the door in a taking flight pose while loudly uttering a superhero call to action. Oh yeah.

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  2. All I gotta ask is, where did you find that picture of me?....

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    1. Kevin, next time you're out in your yard and hear the bushes russle, don't worry, it's just the wind ...not me peeking through your windows!

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  3. Oy! I'm with lily, that picture in my blogroll....make it stop, make it stop!! lol

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    1. Come now Elsie. You know that's one piece of hairy man meat sure to get you excited every time. It's ok, I'm not judging!

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  4. Dang, you know some interesting folks! This story has all my favorite elements: Dicks, capes, humiliation and parole officers. Well done! xo

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    1. I know, right? I mean, even look at the guy in the picture. The cape totally makes him look way cooler than he would without the cape!

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  5. That guy looks like a cross between Ron Jeremy and the father of one of my boyfriends from high school.

    Hello, nightmares!

    :-D

    Come by and see what you've won!

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    1. I was thinking he bares a stricking resemblance to my future ex-husband.

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  6. Pro: A memorable experience you can tell your grand kids about.

    Con: A sight you can never wipe from your mind.

    Still undecided whether this was awesome or not.

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    1. As for your pro...If I was this guy, I'd so NOT tell my grandchildren (or anyone else for that matter) about it. Con...If you knew this guy, the guy above is WAY better looking so your welcome for me not asking him to don the cape and pose for the picture (and he'd totally do it too). As for the awesome...just think how awesome it is that this didn't happen to you!

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