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Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Where Do Girls Pee From?

A few weeks back, upon walking into my favorite watering hole, I noticed a couple male friends huddled at the end of the bar engaged in what appeared to be a very serious discussion.  After ordering my drink, one of them motioned me over, saying they needed to ask me a very serious question but didn’t want to offend me or have me think him as rude or vulgar…but “Where do girls pee from?”  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!!!  I somehow managed to maintain a serious face and not let on that I was really dying laughing on the inside as I retorted, “Well, not from the same hole we bleed from!”  With what I’m sure was a small degree of embarrassment as well as amusement, “I know that, but I mean WHERE do you pee from?  Is it from the clit, lower, etc.?”
 
 
Before I go on any further, I think it important to point out that the younger of my two friends is 40 years old.  So here I sit, at a bar, engaged in a very serious, anatomical conversation, trying to explain to two grown men where girls pee from.  I stopped just shy of drawing a vagina on a napkin for them, cause how would I explain that if anyone saw it, and who would believe me if I tried?  Besides, I really suck at drawing, so lord only knows what it really would have looked like had I done so.
"So I drew a pussy on a napkin.  What's the problem?" 
Yeah, I just don't think if would have went over well.
 
 
When I finished my answer, my younger friend exclaims, “See!  I told you!  I made (his girlfriend’s name) show me!”  That was a visual I really didn’t need, yet I found comical.  I could just see them in this same serious conversation, her pants dropped, one leg hiked; him bent down examining her with a serious look saying, “I always thought girls peed from their clit.” 
 
 
Until this conversation, I’d never really thought about how little guys really know about female anatomy.  I mean with a guy it’s simple…this is the penis, this is the head, this is the shaft and we pee out of this little hole here.  No mystery there.  Men, however, aren’t the only ones baffled by this question.  My daughter told me a couple weeks ago that one of her friends (16 years old) only recently realized that she could pee with a tampon in.  Maybe her mom should have the “period talk” with her.  I’d say it’s a little over due. 
 
 
As I’m feeling all high and mighty thinking at least MY daughter knows where she pees from, the other night she tells me my son thought girls peed from their butts.  REALLY?!  Are you freaking kidding me?  What the hell…I mean does he picture us like cattle lifting our tails and spraying.  I guess that would give a whole new meaning to the term “wet fart”! (In his defense, he is only 11, and won’t get sex education until next year).  

She goes on to tell me that they had a full debate on the matter and that she’d set him straight.  Boy, how I’d have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation…or maybe I wouldn’t have.  I do find myself wondering where he thinks we pee from now.  With my daughter, it wouldn’t surprise me to find out she convinced him our penises pop out when you push the button in our armpit or something.  She’s fantastically evil like that sometimes!
For all of you who missed 6th grade sex education…

the mystery is solved!

16 comments:

  1. OMG i love you for including a diagram. Brilliant. p.s. No woman should be having sex with these fools that think a woman 'pees out of her clit.' SERIOUSLY???

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    1. I'm soooo sorry for being a guy that doesn't study female anatomy because you have a really complicated body part.

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  2. I know. I was kinda shocked to find how wide spread this ignorance was! It really adds a new twist to my dating life. I guess I need to add a new question to my first date/interview checklist. You know...do you have a job, have you ever been convicted of a crime, how many children do you have, do you know where girls pee from? It rolls so seamlessly! lol

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  3. yes, you are my daughter and there is no denying it. lol. By the way, I love the diagram also. It is kinda like an exclamation mark. That says "you dummy". Men need to do more investigative work. We'll call it field work. lol. I don't think they better use a magnifying glass though. There are other tools of that trade. lol. Oops I'm sorry those are toys. My bad.

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    1. Mother!!! And people wonder why I'm so demented. Another mystery solved! lmao

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  4. It's crazy that I read this post this morning, since I just had this conversation with my 13 year old son. He was completely baffled by the whole thing, it was cute, funny and very strange at the same time. After we had this conversation, he went on to ask me if sperm was made of pee. Yes, it was quite a night of sharing..

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    1. Sons are funny. My 11 year old never ceases to amaze me. The other night while talking on the phone to a friend about a receipe, my son overheard me telling her it was a total mouth-gasm, and exclaims, "You just said ORGASM!!!" I said "No I didn't, I said mouth-gasm." He retorts even more excitedly, "YOU SAID ORGASM!!" To which I had my mom of the year comeback and said, "Son, you wouldn't know an orgasm if it jumped up and squirted you in the eye!" I immediately realized the inappropriateness of the comment, but then it was too late, so we just laughed and I quickly changed the subject.

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  5. lol fuuunnnny it was really helpfull ty

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  6. I never thought my girlfriend would be making me goggle this. Turns out we were both wrong. Thanks for the tip. Lmfao

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    1. You are not alone. Believe it or not this is my most googled blog for exactly that reason. Glad I can be a help! Lmao

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  7. omg i thought i peed out of my vagina. thanks so much

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  8. So.. there is vaginal intercourse... and anal...ur saying I could have peenal with my Girlfriend now xD

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  9. Honestly, considering that the penis is really just a bigger version of the clit, and men pee from theirs, it's not THAT crazy of a conclusion to come to.

    Ladies, don't pretend there was never a time when you were mistaken about how the penis functioned. Bet most of you didn't know that men with no testicles can still ejaculate.

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  10. Touché! I'll have to give you that one, but that was as a teenager...not at age 40.

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  11. I still marvel at the fact that my scrutum is the most lively part of my body. When a man runs or does exercise, the scrutum retracts and places the testicles over/under so they don't get in the way. It also places them at the perfect distance from the body to keep them at a certain temperature...ladies, if your man if game, I totally suggest you lightly blow on them and watch them adjust to find that perfect spot. My girlfriend has made that her new favorite best time.

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    1. Favorite past time*

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