Showing posts with label booger picking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label booger picking. Show all posts

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Showing my NADs

Sunday, the incredibly funny, tell it like it is, holder of not just any man card, but the Dude Write Platinum Man Card, Six-Fingered Monkey (Six herein) posted a rant on his loathing of Instagram and it's overuse and filter abuse.  For those of you fortunate enough not to know what Instagram is, it's an app for your iPhone or Android device where you "Snap a picture, choose a filter to transform its look and feel, then post to Instagram. Share to Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr too – it's as easy as pie. It's photo sharing, reinvented."  This quote taken directly from instagram.com.

Much like Six, I'm wondering when it became necessary to "reinvent" photo sharing.  I mean the change from film to digital is A-FREAKING-MAZING!  It has revolutionized photography and allowed us to do so much in so little time.  Add to the digital revolution, Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, Tumblr, Photobucket, and the countless other social media sites available to us for exchange of these ever evolving snapshots into our lives.  Why do we need to distort those memories into some picture that in no way actually shows the moment as it is, but in a cute and fuzzy way we wished it was (or wish we look)?

In a brave stance against the Instagram craze, Six challenged the Blogosphere to join him in his newly created memorial day for unedited phone photography titled NAD or National Anti-Instagram Day.  So today, I set out to prove that you can still be an artist while not editing the photos that are taken with your phone, and I think I have accomplished my goal.  Behold!!!!

Is it a road cone or something more?  I like to think of it as SOOOO much more.  I mean, people are using Instagram to take grainy pictures of coffee cups and trash cans and calling it art.  They have nothing on this.  Notice how my shadow becomes one with the cone, and the cone becomes my head.  Suddenly my shadow has a cone head.  And the toes...sheer genius.  I mean a sandal wearing, red toe-nail'd shadow with a cone head and parking lot weed belt.  I feel like the fucking Picasso of smart phone photographers right now! 

My artistic genius aside, how about a real life moment?  Or better yet, a self portrait.  There are so many Instagram photos where the asshat, I mean poster, strikes the same pose over and over and then applies a different filter and then posts like they are some famous model and self photographer all rolled up into one awesome Instagramer.  (NOT!!!) In protest of the beauty queen pose, I give you this!

Notice the natural messiness of the hair, the obvious signs of aging, and the sheer mystery. Am I having a bad scratch and sniff moment with my finger, am I digging knuckles deep for that booger what's grown roots, or popping a puss filled boil?  Only I know the answer, but I've got the memory EXACTLY as it looked when the picture was snapped.

Now I've taken both the above pictures today in observation of NAD, in support of the Anti-Instagram movement that shall soon be sweeping the cyber and cellular nations.  However, I think in closing I should show Man-Friend's Anti-Instagram photo artistry taken on the day after Six's post.  The picture shows what happens when my son and I try to get out of a patio chair after stuffing both our fat asses in it.
To all the Instagramer asshats out there who think you could do better using your magic filters; develop an imagination, learn some real creativity and for fuck's sake, strike a new pose!

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Friday, March 23, 2012

Brain Tickling, Nose Picking, Prius Driver

About a week ago, after a long days work, I stopped at a drive through to pick up dinner before heading home.  While riding home through town, I approached a stop light and noticed a blue Prius with out of town tags in the next lane. 

As I pulled up beside this wimpy looking little car, I couldn’t help but notice the good looking man driving it.  Several thoughts went through my head in the span of a few seconds.  Despite having the Justin Moore song “Bait A Hook” playing on the radio (which could have been written about this obviously eco-conscious hottie) I found myself wondering if his good looks were enough to overlook the fact that he was driving a Prius.  I was about to look up Henry County (the county on his tag) to see how geographically inconvenient he was when it happened…Mr. Eco-Conscious Hottie picked his nose.   


You might be asking yourself, what’s the big deal?  I mean, people pick their noses every day, right?  Well yes, but NOT like this man was doing.  He stuck his finger in his nose so deep I swear if there was anything on the end of it when he pulled it out, it wouldn’t have been boogers, but brain matter.  I cringed and told myself to look away, but instead sat there unable to look away in morbid amazement as I watched him massage his brain.  It wasn’t a quick dig and pick, but a long whole arm moving affair.  I went between wanting to honk the horn and throw a box of Kleenex at his car (though I was afraid I’d break the window of the tiny thing if I did) and wondering what part of his brain he was rubbing?  Maybe he was rubbing the part that controlled his penis and was masterbating through his nose…I wouldn’t want to disturb him in the middle, though he might appreciate the Kleenex in a couple minutes.  The light was taking forever to change, and this man kept his finger up his nose, rotating it right, then left, then right again.

Just when I thought this guy surely couldn’t stand much more brain manipulating, he used his free hand to adjust his mirror and started watching himself pick his nose.  OH MY GOD!!!  Do you think you’re fucking invisible in that car?  Do you not realize that there are people all around you, at least one of whom is WATCHING you massage your brain through your nose?  I mean, MY GOD!!!  And what was he looking for in the mirror?  Did he have some rogue booger he was pursuing…Some booger playing hop scotch with his finger, saying “You can’t catch me finger! Hahahaha” (Oh wait, those are just MY boogers that do that).  But SERIOUSLY…get your freaking finger out of your nose!

The light finally changed and I punched the gas, leaving the little Prius and the brain tickling driver behind.  I also realized that it didn’t matter how geographically inconvenient he was or what he drove because I was no longer thinking of him as a hottie…to me he would always be the guy who masterbates through his nose.

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