Today my mother made the second two HUGE mistakes. One She left
her blog open with a nosy son, witch no one is scared to admit… Two, Last week
she went to something that she knew better than to do without me, and she
dropped me off with my no secret keeping dad. I will initiate something that is
best served cold, or on blogs…. REVENGE!!!! Hey mom get a load of this…………..
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That being said, here a small glimpse of what I put up with
as “The Superior’s” son.
Dear Diary
Today is a Wednesday and I was at school. The afternoon
announcements came on and they called my name and said I was a car rider. I
went up to the office and asked who was coming to pick me up. They said that it
was my father. When he picked me up I asked why I was coming to his house on
one of my mom’s days. He then told me that my mom had gone to a Luke Bryant
concert without me. REALLY!!!! Why would anyone want to leave me?!?!?! The
loving, young, nosey, comedic, most awesome person EVER!!!!!! THIS MEANS
WAR!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Diary
Today I noticed that the superior always loves to rub my
head gently and slowly. But I also noticed that she has two hands and has the
nerve to only pet me with one hand!!!! She knows that if she really loved me that
she would rub my head with both hands! I went to her and said to her “Really”?
Why must you torture me like this? The knowledge of only having half the love
is surely killing me. I will soon be dead…..
Dear Diary
I have been TOLD!!!!!!!! OMG!!! I know the superior is, well
you know, superior. But I didn’t know that she was capable of this! In her own
words she said this “Son you maybe taller than me but so help me I don’t care
how old you are, how tall you are, I don’t even care if your 7’5, I’ll get up
on a chair and kick your butt because I made you and I can destroy you just
that easily”! Needless to say she stole my breath. Talking about shuting a guy
up! WOW!!!!
Dear Diary
I have become constipated. After two days my superior took
me to the even smarter, older, wiser superior and evil villain…the doctor. As
we were in the waiting room, my mother was telling me that the doctor was going
to have to look at my butt. I told myself that he surely wouldn’t but five
minutes later the doctor was telling me that I was going to have to turn over
and for my mom to look away. Suddenly I felt two hands spreading my butt cheeks
and though my mom was turned around trying not to laugh, she was trying very
poorly. Suddenly I heard a slight squeaky noise as I was trying to squench my cheeks
but fortunately the doctor was old and was hard of hearing and right after my
leakage, he released my butt cheeks. Trying hard to hold my tongue….my head
was screaming at me to say to the doctor “How’s it smell back there now doc”?
Dear Diary
The other day, I was helping the superior clean the house. I
walked by her phone and saw she got a text from a guy and was seeming to enjoy
his time talking to her. I went to her and asked her who this man was, what his
intentions were, and how old he was. She said he was nearly two years younger than
herself. It was clear that she wanted to
make him her new boy toy by the look in her eyes. I suddenly started singing
cougar life in the city. She laughed so hard she nearly peed herself. Eventually
she tired of my spontaneous eruptions into song (maybe it was because it
happened in grocery stores, around friends and eventually with him). I later noticed that when the commercial for
cougar life came on, the look in her eyes made me fear that she may soon remove
my only source of inappropriate entertainment (other than the internet) in the
house. Maybe I took this a little too far… Cougar life in the city, UH.
