Sex is another story...I'm GREAT at sex. How do I know this, you ask? I've been divorced for over 8 years so I've had PLENTY of sex...with myself. Doesn't that qualify me as an expert on the matter?
All joking aside, in my 8+ years as a divorcee, I have never had a problem getting a date, I have had problems finding a man I wanted to date more than once. I find that things that men love about me and draw them to me in the beginning are the very things they want to change or suppress about me in the end. Unfortunately, I'm getting old and already set in my ways so if something's going to change, it's gonna be my partner, not myself. What you see is what you get and if you don't like it, kiss my ass on your way out the door.
Another thing I've come to realize in today's technologically savvy world is that single men could really use some classes in social skills and etiquette. With all the technological advances, often getting to know a man happens via social media, online dating sites or even just over text messaging. I find that men will say things from the safety of their electronic devices that they wouldn't dare to say if they were in a traditional setting (church, restaurant, grocery store, Walmart, etc.)
 Yeah, Walmart is where I'm hoping to find my future ex-husband...or not. |
| Thanks People of Walmart for ruining my hopes of finding my future ex-husband in our neighborhood Walmart. Also, thank you for making me cringe at the thought of sitting down on any public seating ANYWHERE! "Hi there....let me guess...you're in the plumbing profession and you wanna lay your snake in my drain. Let me think about that....um...no." |
Men get brazen and bold when they are faceless and letting their fingers do the talking! Sex has become a quick topic in dating sites and when sex can be arranged so easily with random strangers, it makes developing emotional connections much harder. I mean, you got an itch, scratch it...if someone quits scratching it right, move on to the next. You don't even have to get out of your PJs or leave your house to set up a booty call.
When entertaining one of these innuendo riddled conversations the other day, it got to a point where I very clearly told the gentleman despite his smooth talking he wasn't getting me separated from my panties. His reply had me starring at my phone dumbfounded for a second..."well how's your mouth feeling?" Really? Did he just go there? How do I respond to that? "Sorry honey, my dentist told me to keep small objects away from my teeth."
Among too many funny ones to mention, I recently got a message from a man whose profile clearly stated that he was currently in prison. Are you kidding me? (Read from bottom up)
Its good to know that our tax dollars go to help find our inmates potential life mates they can go to upon their release. I loved the "I would like to see more of you than I see here" statement. Well, duh! If the only action he's had in the past couple of years has been in the prison showers and laundry room closets, I bet he's itching to see a lot more of me, or any woman for that matter, to get him through those long hours of gang rape and butt plugging. "Just close your eyes and think or me and pretend you're not on the receiving end sweetheart. It will be over in 3-5 years." Yeah, that just doesn't do it for me.
Another one that made me chuckle was this one:
In case you haven't realized why this one made me laugh, 867-5309 was the number from Tommy Tutone's song in the 80s where he gets the girls number from the bathroom wall where it says call for a good time. It was a classic song from my youth, and the number has been given to many men over the years...most of whom understood it's meaning and didn't ask me for an area code.
Maybe that last one was a little mean. He did come back and send me a very nice email apologizing for the "let's hook up" introduction but I think the damage is already done. Needless to say, I'm still single and haven't hooked me a keeper yet, but I'm gonna keep fishing. I'll see what I can stir up and have a few laughs along the way. And hell, maybe I'll be able to pass a few laughs around at mine, or their expense. In the meantime, I guess I'll just have to stock up on plenty of batteries.
