The 11 Questions Game...Dang it!

Last week, I was tagged in a post by Kevin, who writes the blog Who Woulda Thought? tasking me to be the next in the line of victims called upon to play "The 11 Questions Game". He warned and apologized to me first so I knew it would mean work or be a royal pain in the ass, but as I read his blog I realized that it was a cute concept and that despite the initial thought that I may have to boot him off my blog or quit following him for imposing such a pain in the ass task on me...instead, I've decided to put on my big girl britches and play along.  I guess I'll forgive you this time Kevin since you do make me laugh.

There are rules and according to Kevin's 11 Questions Blog, If you do not follow the rules, one of two things will happen, either a pack of potbellied, pygmy platypuses will be released to hunt you down or a cherub will fly directly into an oncoming airliner, we don't know which will happen, the fate is up to those who get tagged.  Whew!!  Pretty damn serious, so I better make sure I follow them real close.  Could you imagine some disoriented cupid type getting stuck on a airliner randomly shooting his arrows at the unsuspecting passengers.  Spontaneous orgy eruptions on board would make international headlines for weeks.  I could not live with that on my conscience, so here are the rules I must follow and the bloggers I tag are tasked to follow as well.

You must post these rules. Each per­son must post 11 things about them­selves on their blog. Answer the ques­tions the tag­ger set for you in their post and cre­ate 11 new ques­tions for the peo­ple you tag to answer. You have to choose 11 peo­ple to tag and link them on the post. Go to their page and tell them you have linked him or her. No tag backs and you legit­i­mately have to tag 11 people.  (Meaning that 11 people are now probably going to be wanting to stab you in the face with a pitch fork!)

It's not to late to turn back and close the page.

The first task is for me to post 11 random things about myself, as if anyone reading this really gives a shit, but here goes anyway.

1.     I am the oldest of 10 siblings (mom had 8 children, dad has two more by another woman.)

2.     I am 37 years old.

3.     I have two children, ages 11 and 16.

4.     I have three tatoos.

5.     I suck at being married, as evidenced by two divorces.

6.     I am an intelligent person but often lack a filter between my brain and my mouth.

7.     I grew up in San Diego County, California, but moved to Georgia when I was just shy of 21.

8.     I LOVE spicy foods (if I had to give up my hot sauces, fresh peppers and salt I'd have no reason 
        left to eat).

9.     I'm a good cook.

10.   I enjoy photography and love shooting sports, parties and events and capturing moments in time
        in a photograph.

11.   I have a low tolerance for intellectually challenged people who think they know everything (aka
        dumbasses).

Now for task two.  Kevin's questions to those of us he maliciously tagged.

1. Which movie best describes your life? I would so love to say something like It's A Wonderful Life or some movie which portrays me as some perfect person or mother, but the more I thought about this question, the more I realized that I simply cannot answer this.  Different movies I relate to about different aspects of my life.  For example, I can relate to The Hangover for a few crazy weekends though we'll save that for a different blog.  When I was going through a divorce I related to A Diary of a Mad Black Woman (even though I assure you I'm not black, but I was mad and we were both divorcing asshole lawyers).
2. What is your favorite comic strip? Hmmmm...well...since I'm an old futty dud, I don't even know what comics are out there these days but I was always partial to Garfield and his maniacal, mischievous, binge eating ways.
3. Who or what is your favorite Star Wars character? Ok hands down it would be Luke Skywalker.  As an impressionable young girl, I wanted him to make...um...an impression on me.
4. What song can you listen to over and over and over? While I have several songs I enjoy, if I had to listen to ANY song over and over I'd be wanting to dig my ear drums out with an icepick.
5. Are your farts loud, silent but deadly or in between? Depends on what I've eaten and if I am trying to be discrete or going for the gusto.  I mean if I'm sitting in the living room alone, I'm gonna put some effort into it and go for maximum noise level and laugh out loud to myself like some moron, but if I've got company I'm gonna aim for silent (in a different room) and pray that it doesn't smell like something crawled up my butt and died and is not holding on to my butt cheeks to follow me back to my company.  My last one was a pleasant combination of mild to medium stink with a butt vibrating yet not to attention getting noise level.  As I said, quite pleasant.
6. Who is your favorite stand up comic? I absolutely love Jeff Dunham.  I mean, I totally envy him.  He's got different puppets for all his different personalities and gets paid for it.  What's not to love?  Oh, and I think I'm in love with Peanut (how freaking cute is he?).

   7.   If you were stranded in the desert and your wagon lost a wheel, how many pancakes would it     take to cover a dog house? If I was stranded in the desert with a missing wagon wheel, I'd send the dog for help and eat the freaking pancakes.
   8.   Are you allergic to anything? Does stupidity count?  I have a bad allergic reaction to  dumbassitis.
   9.   What is your ideal vehicle? I always wanted The Jetsons car.  How cool would it be to be able to drive OR fly.  Traffic bad?  No problem, just fly over it.  Oh yeah.
   10. Would you put one of those ridiculous stick figure families on your ideal vehicle? I wouldn't put one of those ridiculous stick figure families on a dog house, mini-van, refrigerator or fat ladies ass.  Well, maybe if I could find a fat lady that would let me put one on her ass I might just to see how many kids and animals it would take to cover it up, but back to the point, no.
   11. If we were to look in your browser history what would we find in the top ten? In the top ten as  for what 10 sites I've been on most recently, you'd find several different emails, a couple of my favorite bloggers, Facebook, change.org and a very seedy backpage.com which I became aware existed yesterday due to a change.org petition.  This is actually a classifieds website with an adult section where you can find hookers or pimps; jobs as a webcam model, hooker or "escort"; even transvestite hookers...all in one convenient one-stop shop.  I mean why cruise the blvd looking for ladies of the night to sit on your face and fulfil your squish fetishes when thewoman of your dreams is just a few mouse clicks away.  How great is the internet?!

For my third task, I pass the pain in the ass task of playing the 11 Questions Game on to the following blogs/bloggers with my sincerest apologies, but what goes around comes around and now it's your turns!

My Upside Down Life
The Incoherent Ramblings of a Moose
Super Earthling
Crack You Whip
RachRiot
Diminishing Gene Pool
Chiz Chat
RANDOMBLOG
Controlling Chaos
Dysfunctionally Functional
A Beer for the Shower

And for my final task, other than begging for their forgiveness when they find out they've been tagged, These are the 11 questions I present for them to answer.

1. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
2. If you could have any super power you wanted, what would it be and how would you use it?
3. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life but you could chose what it would be, what food would you choose?
4. What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten or put in your mouth?
5. If a movie was made about your life, which actor/actress would play you?
6. Name at least three of your pet peeves or quirks.
7. What was your first kiss experience? (How old, where, open or close mouthed, etc.)
8. If you could have a get out of jail free card to beat the shit out of anyone in the world, who would you use it on and why?
9. What's the naughtiest thing you ever did as a kid and do your parents know you did it?
10. What's the worst pickup line you've ever heard or used?
11. What's the best pickup line you've ever heard or used, and did it work?

Hopefully my fellow bloggers tagged above will be up to the task I've presented.  I look foward to reading their posts.